when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
