I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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