He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
