I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
