Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
We don't watch enough power rangers
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
