i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
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He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
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I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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