god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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