I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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