He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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