Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
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