Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
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buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
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I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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