So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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