is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Randomize
