I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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