Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
