Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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