you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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