I hate your face
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
