So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
you have to choose: penises or morals?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
