i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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