Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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