u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
