Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
