he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
