So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
