You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I could fuck to npr.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
