Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
