I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
