Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
