??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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