Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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