i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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