yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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