Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
