He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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