before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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