Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
