Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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