I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
