fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
