It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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