i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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