No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
