But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize