just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
