Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize