Someone shit on the floor
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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