dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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