you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
