plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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