After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
