i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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