We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Randomize
