I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I pour the whiskey from now on
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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