Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
