no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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