You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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