Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
