I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
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So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
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The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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