i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
