I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
